From Heroes to Zeroes in the Space of a Week - The Inquest Game

So that was the sporting week that was blog readers and the International Cricketers of England appear to have had a quicker journey from being Heroes to becoming Zeroes than the speed of light


Yes the two old adversaries of England and Australia have been battling it out for the smallest global sporting trophy the world has probably ever witnessed and it appears normal service has been resumed pretty quickly with England batters proving to be useful cannon fodder for the Australian "Mitchell" Dynasty.

So we head for the halfway point of the series with the teams now level at 1-1, but how contrasting can you get.  England a week ago in Cardiff were on top of the world, having brushed aside the Aussies with relative ease with both bat and ball and likely ending Shane Watson's test career in the Australian team to boot. Fast forward a week, and Bob "The Judge" Willis is giving the England Team members an average rating of about "2" on Twitter feed, after they capitulated to a 405 run defeat to a now rampant Aussie side.

Of course England's dismal performance has meant that the public and media alike have held more inquests than a Coroner probably holds in a month.

So why have England lost?  Let's see the gems that have been bandied around:

1) England lost the toss and couldn't bat first.  As the first two tests have highlighted this has a huge influence on who wins a test match.  Fear not Allistair Cook!  If you win the next 3 tosses England are on course to win this series 4-1.
2) The groundsman -  Yes the Lords batsman produced a miserably flat pitch that Australia looked like they could bat on, if they so wanted, until they had to turn up for the third test at Edgbaston on 29th July.  England players clearly couldn't cope with the alien nature of a flat pitch.  I mean who on earth thought they could be able to bat on that.
3) England players, having made double figured and sometimes, "shock horror" even triple figured scores in recent months are now completely useless, out of their depth and ready for the guillotine, if Lord Justice Willis has his say.    Let in every county player knocking on that door I say. We'll have the Ashes wrapped up by the Oval surely.
4) The prerequisite that England must lose 3-4 wickets before lunch, tea or ice bath, depending on the time of day, is generally starting to lose credibility when the Australian Bowler Investment Bank is seeking further cheap England investments for their portfolio
5)  Shane Watson - I'm kidding by the way, but you'd get the impression the poor fella would be blamed for World War Three by the Australian Media and public if they had anything to do with it.  Indirectly, the introduction of the third member of the "Mitchell" Dynasty to the Ashes, as Watson's replacement, has appeared to create a new dynamic for Australia, like they weren't suffering from dynamism issues in the first place. It will reach a point when any Australian named Mitchell will be banned from entering the country at this rate. 
In all seriousness Australia, I hope you can find it in your heart to thank Shane Watson for a valuable contribution to your test team over the past "not so golden" decade for Australia.   No one is claiming he's been the greatest ever cricketer in the world, but he's helped to lay the foundations for the new golden generation of Aussie players in their team.  I hope he continues to play International One Day and TwentyTwenty cricket, if only to piss the Australian Media and Public off.

Anyway, back to the reason England lost the Lords test match, my theory is a simple one.

About a week ago Australia turned up to Cardiff thinking we are superior to England in all skill sets of the game so we will win easily.  Five days later they thought "oh sh*t" we've actually forgot to execute those superior skills.  We are not going to make the same mistake twice when we reach Lords.  It's a bit like Ben Stokes in this test.  "Oh sh*t" I've forgot to ground my bat.  I won't be doing that at Edgbaston.